How many of you out there have said yes to something that you really wanted to say no to? How many of you would like to change this habit in order to create more space for ways you do want to serve others and yourself? I assume that all of your hands are up because we have all done this at least once in our lives. I was once a serial YES offender! I by all means am not cured but I am definitely well into recovery. Do you want to know how I did it? Follow these 5 easy steps and you to could be on your way….oh wait there are no easy steps, it takes focus and work people! I can however, offer you some great food for thought and even some tools that have helped others and me!
First of all it is a process my friends! No one has ever been cured of being a Yes woman over night. Most of us were brought up in this way; it is ingrained in us. Here's what I want us all to consider, when we say yes to something we don't want to do we often feel over extended, bitter, or angry and NO ONE wins…truly NO ONE WINS! Here come the yes but’s…yes but I have to do it, yes but its my responsibility, yes but, yes but, yes but. Here is the thing I want to make really clear, when we say yes to something we really don’t want to do we are also saying no to things that we really want to do, it's just that simple!
So how do we begin the path to recovery? First we must truly want to make the change! I suggest doing this each and every day, maybe as part of your morning routine. Bringing it to your awareness each day will enable you to change your habit patterns. In order to change a habit we must create a new habit and that takes dedication and work. Then we need some tools. The best tool we have at our disposal is already present in us, self -awareness. Start with taking stock of all the times in your day/week when you catch yourself saying yes when you really didn’t want to. Start to become aware of how your body reacts in that moment. What do you feel in your stomach, throat etc. when you say yes but mean no. That is your bodies inner guidance system telling you that you don’t want to do this! Pay attention to your guidance system for a few days, a week or longer to become more aware and friendly with it. You may feel resistance, just be aware of that. Next, find yourself a trigger. What’s a trigger? It’s something, often an object, that you use to help you remember. Brene Brown, the author, talks about her own struggle with being a yes woman. She shares that she bought herself a ring that she turns 3 times and says her own self created mantra before saying yes or no. Her ring allows her the time to check in with herself and see if she really wants to put her energy towards whatever she is being asked to do. She then has a canned response to saying no. This canned, rehearsed response will help you feel more powerful when you say no. You will need to create your own trigger, as well as response. Ideally your trigger it is something that physically reminds you of your new mission. Something like these custom temporary tattoos on etsy could be helpful. It could also be as simple as writing a word on your wrist. Finally, celebrate your successes and be gentle with your hiccups. It’s a process, right?! You will not always say yes when you mean no but you should make sure you keep coming back to it.
If you aren't convinced yet, why the heck not? Try it for a week and see what shifts!