Feelings of being alone, awkward.
Roller coaster emotions that take over and don't make sense.
No one understands!
Growing parts of the body and things on the body: too big, too small, not enough, too much at the wrong time, too soon, too late.
The unknown, the unspoken, the who to ask, the secretiveness, the embarrassment.
It's all just too much?
Puberty! The phase of life when everything changes, there is no control and often times very little knowledge of what the heck is going on.
It's time to change all of that!
We can create a new way of honoring this phase of life for young girls. We don't have to continue the secretive nature, feelings of being alone, no one to connect to or talk with. We can offer them a different way.
What does it mean to have a powerful puberty?
Simply put it means to go through this major transition period in life feeling connected to the self, the body and loved ones, as much as possible! In reality it is a lot more complicated.
As adults we have to remember that puberty takes places over SEVERAL years time and there is A LOT that goes on during this time! It is a transition phase from young girl to young adult. That is BIG! Let those words be your guide in those moments when your loved one is deep a pre-teen/teem temper tantrum.
What is our supporting role?
Having a powerful puberty isn't about never falling down, feeling emotional, yelling, messing up, pushing boundaries or breaking the heck down in a heap on the floor. In fact all those things should and will happen. It is about honoring their feelings and the bigness. We can help our young girls feel all their feels and help them find the ways and words to express them!
We can help them by knowing, teaching and using tools to help them through this transition. It's about teaching young girls how to express themselves, how to name their feelings, how to be themselves, now in this moment, and as they change. It's about teaching them to know and accept their own bodies, their own needs. It's about teaching them how to be comfortable with themselves. To fit in while being them. It is also about giving them full knowledge of what is going on in their bodies and minds and why. Knowing the realities will help them feel powerful around what is needed in their bodies and what they can control.
To have a powerful puberty is to learn and practice self-love and self-care NOW. Can you imagine how different life would be for so many of us if we had that touch stone, that knowledge and that power as we were going through this first of many major transitions in life?
Having a powerful puberty means we need to acknowledge that sometimes growing is hard.
We still can educate about what is going on, frame it in an open and positive light, celebrate it and all of these things should happen! We should speak openly about this so that girls don't have to go through this alone.
Connection is key!
It is what helps us up when we fall down, it is what keeps our hearts open and allows us to have the courage to grow. We can't control puberty, what it does to the body and mind but we can put the focus on staying connected during this time. We can surround them in a safe community to talk about the bigness, ask the questions and see that they aren't alone!
To do all this as mothers means that often we may need to do our own work.
We also will fall down, we also will feel all the feels and we also can love and accept ourselves in those moments. We too need to feel the connection. To often when our children are at this point the mom's groups, the support that we may have had when they were younger is no longer there. We don't share the stories of our teens melt downs like we did with tongue and cheek humor when they were little. We take it more personally.
The most common work that I see needing to happen is around education and revisiting. We need to educate ourselves around what is "normal" now, what is going on in their bodies and minds and why, so that we can come from a place of understanding and empathy when we connect. We also may need to do some revisiting and healing within ourselves around what our own experience was with this transition phase. Many of us didn't have powerful puberties. Some of us weren't allowed to express ourselves, to know our own feelings or bodies. If we leave this unchecked it is very possible that something our daughter goes through may trigger this wound in us and therefore we wont react or be able to guide from a place of wisdom.
What does being powerful feel like to you?
Before we conjure up a time when you felt powerful in your life, let me first clarify what I mean when I talk about power. I am not talking about the power of one up, power over, or that that is derived from external sources like beauty, money or status. I am talking about the power that comes from within. This power comes from a connection to ourself, to love, to our internal resources and gifts.
Given that definition, can you remember a time in your life where you felt incredibly powerful? Seriously, sit still for just a minute or if you have more than a minute take out a piece of paper and think or write about a time you felt powerful. Conjure up that feeling, the story, what did it look like, where was the feeling held in your body, and WHY did it feel so powerful?
I can thankfully remember many powerful times in my life. One of the things that all my memories have in common is this, feeling powerful often comes with connection. That can be through an external community connection or internal/personal connection.
This is the essence of a powerful puberty to me! The inevitable falling down and feeling out of control, weak, emotional and the coming together. the honoring of the time, the connection and the growth.
When young girls are allowed to feel all the feels and they are acknowledged and loved through it, they feel powerful; even if we can't make it better.
That is what we want to give to young girls. That is powerful puberty!